


The Tale of Two Mother's

by tothestarswholisten



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18814459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothestarswholisten/pseuds/tothestarswholisten
Summary: Emma and Regina are married and it's their first mother's day as a family with Henry. Unknown to Regina, this is a day Emma struggles with greatly. After seeing her wife have the morniny she does Regina asks Emma what exactly is wrong.I do not own Once Upon A Time** I'm writing this in part because in the United States, Sunday was Mother's Day. But I'm also writing this in the hopes it draws attention to something that isn't wildly talked about. Infertility and the emotions that comes with it.I will put a TRIGGER WARNING here, as this topic itself is very triggering to those who struggling getting pregnant and those who have lost a child.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be wary reading this, as it is in my eyes at least, a triggering topic. Also a Trigger Warning for self harm, anorexia and suicidal thoughts mentioned

Regina woke early. At least to her wife 6am was considered early. Emma and Regina had been married almost a year and this was their first Mother's Day together. Regina made herself a silent vow to make it special for them as a family. 

As the brunette quietly got out of bed she turned and looked at her sleeping wife. Emma's blonde hair hid most of her face, as did the blanket she had wrapped around her. The woman slept like a burrito and it made Regina laugh hysterically. 

Walking towards their bedroom door Regina blew a kiss towards Emma and set herself about her day.

As she entered the kitchen Regina was surprised to see Henry in the room rooting around the fridge. On the counter were all the ingredients to make chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. 

"Henry, what exactly are you doing?"

Her now twelve year old son jumped in the air, embarrassed about being caught in the act. Of what she wasn't sure.

He turned to his mom and sheepishly spoke, "Morning Mom, Happy Mother's Day. Your coffee is in the pot and your cup is in the strainer waiting for you to grab it. So is Emma's. I kinda thought you'd still be sleeping for a bit longer. I wanted to make you guys breakfast in bed."

Regina smiled at her son's thoughtfulness and went to hug him. "Thank you for that Henry, you know me though always the early riser. But Emma is still asleep and I know she'd likely love breakfast in bed. What do you say I help you hm?"

Henry smiled and nodded, happy that he got to do something with just his brunette mother on a day where he celebrated both of his mother's. 

By 9am a full course breakfast had been made for the three of them. Regina and Henry agreed that they'd all share breakfast in bed and they'd figure out what to do for the rest of the day afterwards. 

As Henry and Regina walked into the bedroom, tray of food in Henry's hand and two cups of coffee in Regina's they noticed Emma was just waking up.

"Ma?"

"Morning Kid. What's this then?" Emma looked to Regina in confusion. 

Henry got a look on his face but brushed it off. "It's Mother's Day breakfast in bed. I wanted to surprise you both.. but Mom woke up a little earlier than I thought she would. 

"Yes dear," Regina said smirking, "it seems our son wanted to fatten us both up on this holiday."

Emma smiled, though Regina would call it more of a grimace than anything. 

"Thanks Henry. I.. I don't know what to say." Regina heard something in the blondes voice that made her look at her wife questioningly. 

"Well I say let's eat!" Henry placed the tray down and crawled into bed next to his blonde mother as he waited for Regina to get in on the other side.

As breakfast went on Regina watched Emma closely. She could see the pain on the woman's face but couldn't understand why. After they finished eating Henry went to finish up his homework for the next day, giving his mother's some time together.

"Emma.."

"Hm?"

"You've seemed off this morning. Not really paying much attention to anything Henry or I have had to say, barely touched your food. Is everything alright?"

The blonde sighed. She didn't want to talk right now. In fact, all she did want was to crawl back into bed for a little while longer and be able to prepare herself for the day.

"Mother's Day is hard for me."

"Can I ask why?"

Emma fidgeted, uncomfortable. She rarely talked about her feelings, now was no exception. 

"After I gave Henry up and got out of jail I swore to myself I'd never allow myself to hurt like I did giving him up. Well, not long after I ended up pregnant. I had found out a lot like I did with him.. out of the blue. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. Being a bails bondsman I was worried. I didn't have to worry long. About a week after I found out I woke up covered in blood.

"I didn't know what was happening, other than something was wrong. I called 911 and they took me to the hospital. Told me rather rudely my baby didn't have a heartbeat. Regina I wish I could tell you what that was like. I wish I could make you understand.. but I can't and I won't wish that pain on anyone."

"So you lost your baby. First because you wanted to give Henry a good life, then again for whatever reason. And it still hurts you though you have Henry now?" Regina phrased her would be statement into a question, making sure she was able to understand where the blonde was coming from.

Emma nodded and sniffled. "That's not all though. They told me that day I'd never be able to have another child. I can't have kids Regina, not anymore. I'm sorry."

The brunette looked at her wife perplexed.

"Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything wrong and it's not your fault."

Emma wiped away the stray tears that fell from her eyes and took a breath before speaking. 

"Don't you think I'm broken now?"

A sort of lightbulb went off in Regina's head. Her wife, because of being infertile now, viewed herself as damaged. Unfortunately Regina knew all too well what those feelings were like. She had felt them every day of her life in the Enchanted Forest.

Regina took Emma's hand in hers and spoke with such a regal tone it took Emma back. 

"You are not broken Emma, you are not damaged. In fact I think you're the bravest person I have ever met in my life. For talking about this with me and not hiding from the truth no matter how much you may want to."

Emma looked down at the blankets the two were under and began to pet them, the texture of them being so soft calming her. "Before Henry found me I got into a dark place. I was never an addict or a drinker, but for a long time I starved myself. Those scars you've asked me about when we're in bed, not all of them are from when I was a teenager. Quite a few were from after the news."

Regina entwined their fingers, giving Emma the comfort she needed without being too overbearing. 

"Emma please listen to me, I mean actually listen and not just respond. You are not broken. You are not damaged. What you are, is a phenomenal mother and human being. That's what today is about. If you'll allow me to, I'd like to help you mourn that baby. Because it sounds like you never really allowed yourself to do so."

The blonde thought over the words, considering them. No one had known about her loss or her infertility up until now. So no one was ever there to help her deal with it or mourn. Now she had a family to do just that.

"Okay." The blonde hugged Regina tightly. "Thank you for being you Gina."

The brunette smiled at the blondes nickname for her, thankful for the slight glimpse of her wife again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the feedback I appreciate it. This story hits close to my heart as I struggle with infertility myself. It's why I decided to write it. To raise awareness and also help myself in a way.

Emma and Regina walked to Henry's room hand in hand after getting dressed for the day. Regina had suggested it be a good way to start the healing process if they included Henry. When Emma had seemed unsure of the idea of telling their son, the brunette pointed out telling him about his sibling may help Emma be able to grieve and not feel like she was hiding something from him.

After Emma looked at it from that perspective she agreed though nervously. Regina had promised to not leave her side while she told Henry about his sibling, but it didn't make things easier for her.

For years she carried the burden of this pain alone, never trusting another soul with this information. In one day she had managed to tell her wife and now their son. A son she gave up for adoption. Emma considered Henry's possible reactions to hearing his blonde mother had gotten pregnant with another baby. She worried he'd feel replaced, or that he'd think she didn't want him but wanted the new baby. Even though Emma knew that wasn't true it did little to take her anxiety away about this talk.

Regina knocked on Henry's door though it was open and asked if they could come in. Their son looked at them, smiled and sat upright on his bed to make room for them. "What's up Mom?"

"Henry, your mother and I would like to talk to you about something. This is Emma's story to tell though and I'd like for you to listen. Listen to understand what she's saying instead of you listening to respond."

Their son nodded and turned his attention to the blonde.

"Hen.. you know that I love you, right? And that I would never have given you up if I hadn't been in jail, right?" After getting a confirmation from her son Emma continued. 

"About six months maybe a little more after I got out of jail I started working as a bail bondsman. It paid well and I didn't have to worry about too much. My main worry was you even though you weren't with me. If you got placed with a good family, if they treated you right, if they held you when you cried. There was never a day that went by that I didn't think of you.

"About eight months after getting out of jail I ended up pregnant. It was a complete shock to me, a lot like you were actually. But at the same time all I wanted to do was cry. I had been in a bad place when I got pregnant with you. I wasn't living my best life and I'm sorry for that. Then I got pregnant again and I still wasn't in a great place. I want you to know that I love both my children equally. There's no favorite for me. You're both my babies." Emma had begun to slightly cry, and Regina had wrapped her arms around her waist to comfort her.

"So if you got pregnant again, where's my brother or sister? How come I haven't gotten to meet them yet?"

A tremor that could be seen by both Henry and Regina and felt by the brunette rocked through Emma's frame. 

"Kid.. I lost the baby a few days after I found out. I'll spare you the details but let's just say it was traumatic. The ER doctor wasn't very kind in telling me so. After that news though they took me and admitted me for a few days, trying to find the cause of the loss. They told me I'd never be able to have children after that. No reasoning just that it was no longer possible. 

"Your mom noticed my reluctance to engage this morning and normally I would. She asked and I explained exactly what I'm trying to explain to you now. That you have a sibling, and that even though you don't have the opportunity to be in their life you have a sibling. For a long time I told no one about the baby and my loss. It was too hard for me. I hope you can understand that."

Henry looked at his mom's with tears in his eyes unsure of what exactly to say. He launched himself burying his face in her shoulder, "I'm so sorry Ma. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone. Or at all. I'm so sorry."

Emma began to cry right along with Henry as Regina rubbed both their backs trying to calm them.

"Henry, the reason Emma is telling you this is over the years, she hasn't had a chance to properly grieve for the child she lost. I thought it may be a good idea to do as a family."

"How come you didn't grieve for the baby Ma?"

Emma thought over Henry's question. 

"Well Kid honestly I'm not sure. I think a part of it was I just didn't want to feel that pain. By not feeling that pain I could move on with my life. Granted I did in unhealthy ways but I moved on."

The three stayed in their embrace for what seemed like forever until Emma's stomach rumbled and they all laughed.

"Guess that means it's lunchtime." Regina smirked.

They talked about what they wanted for lunch until Henry suggested they call and order Granny's and he'd pick it up for them.

The brunette kissed her son's head, "Thank you Henry. Get dressed and I'll order. We'll be in the kitchen when you're done."

As the two women left their son's room Emma sighed and took a deep breath. Regina waited for her to say something and when she didn't, she stopped them at the foot of the stairs.

"What you did back there was brave Emma. I am so proud of you."

Emma hugged Regina tightly. She surely didn't feel brave. In fact, she felt as though her whole world was going up in smoke.


End file.
